The Trials of Hades
by Nardhwentheelf
Summary: In which Hades encounters and endures (probably) a most deeply distressing meeting. Title says all, really.


**Hello all! BlackestSlytherin here! I would like to welcome you to **_my_** most wonderful-est one-shot in the history of the Universe. Ever. BOOM! This one-shot was, of course, **_**not**_** co-written in the slighte-**

**GET OFF MY COMPUTER! Hey everyone, this is Nardhwentheelf. I apologise for the waffling above. She's very good at waffling.**

**Black-S: Technically, it's my computer. Just saying, Elf Girlie.**

**The-Elf: Shut up. Like I was sayin-**

**Black-S: Ooh! A disclaimer! We need to put a disclaimer in. *snigger's at Elf-Girlie's cries of dismay at my intentionally horrendous grammer. Heh heh.***

**The-Elf: NO! MAKE IT STOP! What she meant to say is 'we need to put in a disclaimer'. So here it is. *clears throat***

**Disclaimer: We don't own PJO! *sad face***

**Black-S: So don't sue me! *Elf-Girlie clears throat* I meant us. I have spent all my money on converse!**

**The-Elf: Was that really relevant to the story?**

**Black-S: Converse is always relevant.**

**The-Elf: … So, *awkward silence* enjoy!**

**Black-S: CIAO! Puffis and all that.**

**The-Elf: They're not going to get that.**

**Black-S: I know.**

* * *

Hades sauntered into the lobby of the Empire State Building at 11:58pm. It was almost the Winter Solstice; the only time Hades was allowed on Olympus. He was already in a frightfully grumpy mood – he had simply the _worst_ journey from the Underworld. Hermes thought he'd be funny and stop all Instant Godly Teleportation (I.G.T for short) from going through so he had to travel the _mortal _way from D.O.A recording studio's to the Empire State building. He was not amused.

Hades strode over to the security guard behind the desk, who was typing something on an out-dated computer, and glared at him in a grouchy fashion. "I need to get to the 600th floor." He said in a clipped tone. Now, the security guard knew Hades, but... you couldn't be too careful. "I'm sorry, sir, but there is no 600th floor." Hades slammed his fist down onto the desk. "This happens EVERY YEAR!" He yelled angrily. The security guard stared at him without replying and went back to his computer. When the Lord of the Underworld realised that the stupid, annoying blob of a security guard was not going to answer him, he began to pace and throw random objects at the wall, raging about how stupid his brothers were for insisting on the security. Thankfully, there were no mortals around to see the severely irritated God rip off part of the bannister and throw it at the wall behind the guard's head. The guard didn't flinch. Clearly, he'd had some practise in dealing with irate Gods. "Look. You know who I am." Hades said in what he considered a pleading yet dignified fashion. "Why can't you just let me through?" The security guard was careful not to look Hades in the eye. "I'm sorry, sir, but I can't let you into Olympus until it is midnight." Hades looked at the clock on the wall, which miraculously had escaped the smashing spree the King of the Dead had recently dished out, behind the guard. It was 11:59pm. "Well, can't you make an exception? I'm going to be late as it is." Hades moaned. When he didn't receive a reply _yet again_, Hades dug around in one of the many pockets of his formal robe, and placed a few drachmas on the desk. The security guard didn't even glance down. "Are you trying to bribe me, sir?" Hades swept the drachma back off the desk and glared daggers at the security guard, who didn't flinch. Again. You had to hand it to him, the guy had guts.

The air around the livid God began to darken ominously. The guard resumed typing, and ignored the God standing directly in front of him for the rest of the hour. As Hades looked ready to literally explode, the clock chimed midnight. The guard pressed a button under his desk, opening the elevator to Olympus. Hades gave him one final glare, which the guard didn't even notice – the cheek! - before striding into the elevator. He pressed the button for the 600th floor, and the doors closed, and Hades was hurtled upwards through realms.

When the doors opened again, Hades found himself looking out over Olympus. He took a small step forward, half expecting there to be a magical barrier preventing him from entering Olympus, as there would be any other day of the year. But Hades easily passed into Olympus, and set off towards the throne room. On the way there, he noticed (as he did every year) the lack of people around. They were all busy preparing for the meeting, or just being lazy. Hades' personal view was the latter. He soon arrived at the throne room. He found that, despite his worries, he was early for the meeting. There was no one in the room apart from him... And his youngest brother. Said youngest brother was sitting on his throne, looking as high and mighty as always and reading the latest copy of 'Extreme Weather – When lightning strikes twice'.

"Zeus." He said.

"Hades." Zeus replied, not looking up from his magazine. What was it today with people not acknowledging his presence? Hades gingerly stepped around the buzzing device in the middle of the room - he still didn't know what it did! He walked over to his brother and tapped him on the shoulder. "I think," he said. "That someone else should lead the meeting this year." He remarked on this every year, and always got the same reply: 'no.'

"No." Zeus replied, proving Hades right once again. Zeus shrugged off the hand on his shoulder and went back to his reading. Hades usually gave up there, but this time he was tired of Zeus pushing him around. He wanted his freedom. And Alecto was laughing at him for letting his little brother boss him around.

"Why?" He asked. Zeus looked up, surprised that Hades was still pressing the matter. "You lead all of them. I think it's time someone else took over."

"Someone like... yourself?" Zeus asked, raising an eyebrow. Hades nodded.

"I've never lead it. Maybe someone with new, fresh ideas should have a go. Perhaps you are too set in your ways to see the good ideas." Hades replied.

"No. I won this position fair and square. I have the right to lead these meetings." That was the final straw. Hades had had enough of his younger brother. He extended his permanent cloud of darkness to Zeus, trying to take his soul and drag it down to the Underworld, or Tartarus. Zeus' eyes widened when he realised what his brother was doing, and he was forced to retaliate and shoot Hades with his bolts. "Hades, please. Restrain yourself." Hades growled and tried even harder to suck out Zeus' soul.

Poseidon chose that moment to enter the throne room. He looked between his brothers, trying to figure out what had happened.

"What's going on?" He asked finally.

"Not now, Poseidon." Zeus grunted, trying to avoid Hades.

"Why? What has happened?" Poseidon pressed, curious.

"Shut up Fish-breath! I said not now!" Poseidon's face darkened considerably and he then held out his trident in Zeus' direction, the tip glowing blue. "Are you threatening to hit me with plankton?" Zeus asked in amazement. Poseidon didn't reply. His only response was to grip the trident tighter and get a better aim. "Meh. Plankton." Zeus shrugged, and dodged Hades once again. Poseidon roared in anger.

"You did NOT just say that! Plankton power!" He cried, trying to blast Zeus with his infamous plankton. He missed, and hit Hades instead. Hades staggered, turned, and glared at Poseidon. The battle commenced, more furious than before. Hades was trying to capture Zeus to make his soul into clothing, yelling:

"SURRENDER OR BECOME MY UNDERWEAR!" Poseidon was trying to hit Zeus with his plankton, screaming:

"PLANKTON POWER!" And Zeus was trying to hit both of them with his lightning bolts, shouting:

"EAT VOLTAGE!"

From their position in the doorway, the rest of the Gods of Olympus observed the scene in front of them. Looking at each other in a mystified fashion, they turned away, and went back to their previous tasks.

Only one remained. With a sigh, Artemis muttered to herself.

"Boys. Useless."

The End. Well, until next winter solstice.

* * *

**The-Elf: Please read and review! Constructive criticism welcomed.**

**Black-S: Flames will be used to roast my marshmallows... I like marshmallows.  
**

**The-Elf: ... yeah. So on that note, bye-bye.**

**Black-S: CIAO! Again.**


End file.
